This is my story...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Whenever I scolded someone, anyone, I would sit back and think: Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I am soft hearted... really soft hearted... I cannot bear to shout at someone doing something wrong. It is just not me... I tried to refrain from arguing most of the times. The reason is I do not want to engage one. But when things start to go too far, I do not know what to do. I wanted to scold, wanted to reprimand, but it just does not seem right for me, I prefer myself as someone cheerful, bear no grudges, happy-go-lucky kind of person...

I never wanted to show my rank. Never had I have the intention to do that. But sometimes things just get out of reach. Things will go beyond the words from a soft heart, soothin voice. I tried, I really really tried to control my temper, to refrain myself from quarreling, from making someone unhappy, from scolding someone for doing wrong things, from doing bad stuff...

I do not know. Sometimes I just feel that I ain't myself. I asked myself why do I always regret the actions that I have done rightfully? Why do I have to resort into a loud shout towards the others when I could speak nicely to them? Why? Am I really doing the correct thing?

Because I believe in harmony, I do not want to shout at anyone. But things are just... overboard. My ear... it is the most fragile part of my body... I cannot stand my ear even being touched... Yes, it was a long history dated back 8 years ago when I had this operation and it has not recovered up till now..

Definitely I can take jokes, but not at the expense of my ear...

I do not suit into the category of "fierce looking guy", because I want to be nice all the time... that is all it takes just to make the world a better place, rather than living under the miserable roof, knowing your colleagues are gaining control over you. I prefer to work in harmony, I prefer to call them "friends" instead of mere colleagues, I prefer to forgo the hierachy system. When we have a job to do, we do together as one.

My intention was never bad. It was just to irritating.

Rambled by kaSh at 7:03 pm