This is my story...

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I realised life is much more complicated than it seems. The workload piles up all of a sudden, the bosses turn crazy in a blink of an eye and start to attempt to kill one another under the same roof. Is this harmony? Is this working together as a "family"? Is this the way, where each and everyone of us is achieving the same purpose, doing? I just do not understand why politics can go to such an extent, to an extent like this. Day after day I am living in a shit hole, a place untolerably stinks, filled with grosteque humanoids roaming around, showing off their authority, ordering people to do THEIR job, etc...

I wonder how the people survive there for months and even years and years, a day seems lik eons to go through, the torment.. oh my, so excruciating...

And then it floated in and out of my mind time and again, of which humble things are so difficulty to be achieved, let alone to be possessed. The endless repetitions of one drifting through my mind isn't going to help change how the world is going to be in the future for me anymore...

Suddenly everything came back to me like it was before. I just do not understand how, ultimately should I ever, ever get out of the neverending journey in circles. I dwell around this unbreakable sphere of fear, of lost, of remorse until god knows when, and I know I cannot do this on my own, I need a helping hand, to free from this dark, demonic sphere which consumes me and my mind...

I couldn't be the one who let out my feelings towards anyone...

I couldn't be the compassionate person I used to be..

But at least I knew how to control the childish moments of mine, using my brains to speak instead of my mouth, putting myself into others' shoes, feeling how he/she will feel if it is him/her.... or whatever...

After a year of torment, I realise that I still cannot get over with everything. I never fall in love again. Perhaps you are the one who really get into my heart with everything you had. I do not know how to recover from all these anymore. No one could save me from all these things, and I can do is to avoid and avoid, and when I open up my wallet I see you and the memories again... the memories....

I once told myself I couldn't live without you.

I don't see myself as a living being ever since you left me without saying a word.

Rambled by kaSh at 11:34 pm