This is my story...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I can't stop but to say this: CIVILIAN LIFE ROCKS! Yeah. You heard me. I'd rather go back to school to study, for lectures, for exams than living in a regimental confinement which every, single male citizen of the country has to go through for two, neverending, trecherous, calamitious, oh-my-holy-shiet-I-will-have-to-die-I-can't-take-it-anymore years during his teenage years. Yes, it's called National Service.

You have to wake up at 0500. The reveille's 0530 yeah but speaking of the whole platoon squeezing a miserable toilet, some of them take their own fucking sweet time to pee, to shiet, to brush their precious set of grinding machine, some stared into the mirror for god-knows-how-long period admiring their next to bald head, with yeah a little strand of hair left on it.

Exercise begins. 0545. Yeah. It is SO GODDAMN EARLY IN THE MORNING WHICH YOU CAN EVEN SEE YOUR DEAREST MOON WHICH HAS BEEN HANGING THERE FOR THE PAST 4 BILLION YEARS.

Breakfast's at 0630. Most of us will be awake by then, preparing for school and work, but the soldiers are already having their breakfast at that time.

0700 is area cleaning which you have to clean your whole place. Sweep the floor and all that crap.

0800. The beginning of everything. Sometimes physical training, sometimes some other things like drawing of arms (taking out our rifles for some particular reason) and usually these activities will last until 1130. Yeah. You can do PLENTY of things during that period. Trust me. Time passes the slowest between 0800 to 1130.

Lunch. Till 1300.

1300. Usually you have some drills, lessons on first aid, grenede, rifles and all that army thingy which you have to learn in order to win a war and all that.

1530. Yeah. Most properly it will be physical training. Shiok.

1730. Time for dinner. It's so early! Yeah.

1900. Night training? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Most of the time it will be a no. Admin stuff are settled here.

2100. Last parade. Routine orders.

2230. Lights out. Anyone caught using the phone after this time will be charged. Yeah. That strict.

AND IMAGINE IF I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THOSE SHIET AGAIN! Civilian life is shiok lah ok? Please don't say school sucks. PLEASE. SCHOOL ROCKS OK?? You need not stay in, you can be late. You can get your ass up at 630. You can skip lessons or sleep through them. YOU CAN GET TO GO HOME AT 3PM! ARGH!

Holidays? YOU CAN SLEEP AND CHOOSE NOT TO WAKE UP!

Yeah. And I guess you can call me a good-for-nothing asshole. Only know how to eat away my fortune, play and waste my fucking time and sleep all the way dreaming of how to eat more of my fortune away. And I am a soldier? Oh sorry, I am from Pes C. Yeah. Pes C people are people who have problems, problems like unable to lift heavy load, unable to run too much and too fast, basically permenent problems. Yeah. So my life in the army is slack, everyone says that, everyone thinks Pes C recruits are pussies. They can't do jackshiet. They cannot be commanders. All they do is to face the computer everyday or drive that fucked up tunnels touring around Singapore.

Yeah. That's for Pes C recruits. Unlike PES A/B, they go through the standard BMT stuff. We go through the modified version. Yeah. All in all you can just call me useless. Everyone around me says that. Pes C, slack, confirm clerk, BMT fucking slack, do a bit of thing only wanna complain, commanders also don't give a fuck. Yeah. You can view me as worthles piece of shiet.

The thing is, DO YOU FUCKING THINK I WANNA GET INTO PES C? HUH? You think I purposely chao keng one fucked up reason so that I can get downgraded? You think I want my ear to have holes underneath the ear drums? You think I want? you think people of my batch want their eye degrees to shoot up to more than a thousand per eye? You think they want their shoulders to dislocate like 10 times a day? You think we want? Fuck you. If I have the choice I would rather not have those shiet and go through the same standard things which everyone else's does. Though I don't wanna go through them again but at least I wanted to be like others. Normal beings.

Too bad. We are borned that way. God gave us such crap. And we are in Pes C, and people laugh at us, calling us worthless shiets. Yeah. Even I don't really want to talk about my Pes status when some ask me. You think I am not embarrassed when I am talking about this to my friends? Fuck.

And I feel like a retarded shiet lah ok. Everyone looks up on officers which swords because they look damn suaving and zai and that's the reason why girls want their boyfriends to get into OCS. Yeah. So does it mean I won't have a girl? What the fuck?

And yeah, just to pour things out. Now I am in deep shiet. I have things which I don't know how to say, and IF I say them out, I won't know how to react and I don't know what the FUCK am I thinking, yeah... actually I know, but I don't know how to say. I SCARED. I HUM. I NO BALLS.

Yeah another thing. I realise that rich guys get more girls. Yeah. Because they have the "alot of money" face. Too bad. I don't have. Neither do I have the money. I eat my money away.

You know what am I afraid of? I am afraid of losing you, again. I am afraid to open my mouth to say things out. I am afraid that things will not be the same, again. I am afraid that the usual talks will be filled with some stupid awkwardness in between which I truly wanna vanquish them. I am afraid that you are gone, again, gone, meaning not going with me. Yeah.

I am scared lah ok? I may look tough, act xia lan, talk big, alot of actions, but ultimately my mouth is still stuck with shiet, my balls shrink when I start to think what should I say, and in the end I am scared. I am afraid. I very hum.

Maybe because I am in Pes C, I look like a fucked up ganster, I speak like one, I do things like one. Whatever.

"You really made my life worthwhile."

Rambled by kaSh at 3:15 am