This is my story...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Time flies too fast to be described. Just a blink of an eye and here we are on the month of April. The remaining batch of my friends are finally going to the army, tomorrow. Soon it will be my turn, on the 22nd of April. This means two things: I am all alone now, with no one to have lunches and suppers for 2 weeks and I need to find something new to do.

2 more weeks until my enlistment date. Thereafter there will be a major change in my lifestyle: I cannot sleep at 4am in the morning and wake up at 3pm the next, I cannot come online everyday and everynight like I usually do, I cannot roam around freely and instead I am confined by strict orders and regulations which disallow me to do things which I usually do. I will be a soldier not a civilian anymore.

I have a few problems right now which I somehow or rather not knowing how to explain them. I feel that I should settle them before I go into the army, but the question now is how am I suppose to do so?

Life will be different in there. I won't be with my family members anymore, no one to talk rubbish with at home and outside, no Ah Lian to suan, and so on... something, not sad, or rather, something new which I will be experiencing soon and I am looking forward to it. Life is all about experiencing new things, right?

Oh I get something right. It is not a right thing to do, when you already did something which you KNOW it is wrong, then apologise after that, regretting what you have done. This is where the brain comes into play. No wonder people always say I don't use my brain to think. Oh man...

The thing which is currently in my mind is that, I wish to express something in my heart but I couldn't do so, because of some unexplained reasons and sorts which complicate the matter. Will it be now or never, or will it spark off another new chapter or my life, or will it just be a complete whole load of bullshit?

I had a short conversation with this teacher, a female teacher who told me I shouldn't get a girlfriend now, because I am enlisting, and I will not have that much time with her and there is a chance which she will run away with others. I mean, yeah as much as I wanted one, I still have not recovered from my previous shit. Sometimes I just need someone to be there to listen to my crap and cheer me up whenever I am down.

And shit happens when you are in the army. In the first place having a girlfriend is one, maintaining the relationship is another. Well I ain't sure if I can maintain such serious relationships because I have not done that for a long time already. Oh my god.

Back to the question of how am I suppose to goddamn say something out from my heart? Sometimes hints aren't gonna do the job because some people are too blur to get them, just like me. And sometimes people just like to act blur as if nothing happens, just like me too.

As I said, I don't mean to slip and fall again. I don't wanna fall deeper in because I know that I won't climb up that easily. At the same time I wish that you are there at the end for me, in the end I will realise that falling deep and hurting that much, I enjoy my fruits of labour.

I just don't know where to start. This is just getting outta hand. Sometimes I wish to stop, but it's there already. Things which are there, it aren't easy to stop anyhow. It aren't easy to remove them.

Just let nature takes it's course and let Mother Nature guide me along.

Rambled by kaSh at 1:21 am