This is my story...

Saturday, April 16, 2005

***This entry contains explicit verbal content. Children under the age of 18 are STRICTLY ADVISABLE to refrain from this post.***

While on the way home from my badminton session at Marine Parade, there were 3 bangalas came aboard of the bus and sat beside me. I was at the end of the bus, corner sit. They were SO FUCKING IRRITATING. They speak a lanaguage no men understand, their voice held up so loud that the bus driver could hear. What the fuck. I blasted my MP3 to the max and I could hear them whining and chanting and speaking so fucking loud, as if the whole fucking bus is the country of Bangala. Fucking irritating shiets around me.

I am so fucking stupid. I've realised it long ago, but until now I still feel I am so fucking stupid. Ok let's see. First and foremost, I felt really so fucking stupid trusting you. Yeah you got me into shiet. I asked time and again how did the others know of what happened to us, and asked if you told anything, you said no you didn't and you promised me not to breathe a word. Ok great. Just a month ago my friend told me he knew everything.

HOW THE FUCK COULD I GET SO FUCKING STUPID? TELL ME. The world fucking world knows what's going on. I told you it was strictly between both of us, and to think I am so fucking dumb to believe every word you say and I did not even doubt you. I was wondering how the fuck did I get so stupid?

And how the fuck did you get so sly? You weren't stupid, I know. But I never thought of you doing all the shiet to me. Despite being ranted by my friends and everyone around me, I neglected them and cared for you more than I ever do. Even if you did not wanna be with me at the end, at least please fucking have some pride in yourself, not doing those fucked up shiets behind my back, ane because of that up till now my good buddy and I were not as good terms as before.... it's ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

Maybe it's me too. Tell me if I suck. Maybe I was too possessive. Maybe I was to forceful. Yes you told me. Maybe you were really afraid of me. Yes. BUT DO I FUCKING DESERVE ALL THAT? TELL ME. DO I?

You fucking suck. I just don't fucking know how to get rid of you in my mind. You've been such a great person in front of me, but when I come to think of it, what the fuck, you kept on betraying my trust time and again, time and again and time and again and to think that I still tell you "I trust you. It's ok". Fuck. Am I stupid or stupid?

It's so goddamn lucky I still have trustworthy friends around me, for exposing your shiet, your betrayal on me. I ain't only angry, but hurt and disappointed as well. How I wish you will just be burned in eternity and die a thousand lifetimes solely on accidents. What the fuck, I just sometimes don't know what have I done to deserve shiet from you. So fucking what if you are stubborn? So fucking what if you keep everything to yourself? Yes I do care, but as least appreciate that shiet. I don't usually do that to people.

Just like what my mum told me, you aren't fucking good enough for me. I don't care even if you possess the greatest wealth on Earth. You just don't like any prettier than my ex-es, and you don't have the character which I seek for. I just fell for you because I thought you were for me.

I just think it wasn't meant to be with at all, maybe God has his reasons to do this to me. Anyways, fuck you. Yeah.

Maybe I just can't get rid of the past.

Rambled by kaSh at 9:55 pm