This is my story...

Friday, April 08, 2005

First off, I apologize for the shiet that I've created. It's my fault, yeah.

Yeah it's not the right thing to do, I know. Ok so it goes like this: We were having fun talking crap one fine day in the hall and we thought of things to bet and gamble on. I'd forgotten what was the exact procedure but somehow or rather, out of fun and, yeah I wanna disturb, yeah we settled on that bet.

Oh by the way I am explaining what I have done, I am not saying that I am right in any other way, yes I am wrong and I admitted it, so I seek forgiveness from you, hope you don't mind me and my shiet.

Yeah then naturally he lost. Ok then. Oh man. Ok I am still in the wrong. So I apologize one more time: I am sorry. I won't do that again ok. I am sorry Beverly.

Ok secondly, in actual fact little people knew about these betting thing. Ok it's a small thing, I don't wanna stir up any emotions and it was just amoung the few of us, we had nothing better to do while waiting for our enlisting, besides playing badminton and sleeping whole day we decided to do something, somehow "exciting" (yes I know it wasn't anything exciting). The fact that now in the first place, you ladies got to know of this small little teeny weeny fun of ours means someone has leaked out something.

Let me get straight to the point, it isn't a matter of what the hell is that matter is, whether if I am betting on you, or whether if I am gonna rob the goddamn bank, or whether if I shietted on my pants when I was on the train or whatsoever, it doesn't matter to me, but the thing is when I say, please don't tell anyone about this, there are 2 things I meant: Firstly, I TRUST you. I give you my fucking trust on some shiet. You promised me not to say and yes I believe in you. Secondly, I have my own reasons not to let it out, as I mentioned earlier on. Whether if I am afraid that the ladies will find out or not is one thing, BREAKING MY FUCKING TRUST IS ANOTHER.

I know, it's good to let you know Bev, that's what you said. Ok then. Supposedly if I WERE to hide from you, (of course I meant from hiding it from you since it was something "secretive" between the few of us, you girls have that ladies' stuff behind, why can't we have that masculine effect?) nothing's leaked out, that will all be fine. I won't go around spreading to people that my friend is a loser and blah blah blah because simply I don't want people to know about it.

Back to the shiet. As I said, it doesn't matter what it was. I am goddamn dead serious about these "trusting" thing and I won't wanna tolerate any shiet. If you cannot keep a secret, please tell me that you can't, so I won't trust you in that, but that doesn't mean I won't trust you in other areas, but, but by simply breaking the trust of mine, you are just flaring me up.

Sometimes I feel really hurt over such things. Why, time and again, people must do that to me? It's a small thing, but it reflects on your personality. You said you won't say it out in the first place and the next you told me you'd forgotten. It wasn't any similar to what I suffered previously. But it all breaks down to the same old consequence. I don't wanna flare up so easily anymore, I don't wanna have a bad temper, I am trying, but you know what, such events really triggered the moments back which my heart really shattered into millions of pieces, that feeling was unbearable, it was excruciating and the worst thing is it was from someone I loved.

Maybe I tend to overreact at times, but I have my own reasons. I don't overreact to attract silly and unwanted attentions, it's just because somehow it reminded me of those grosteque moments I had. I really don't want that to happen again, do you understand?

Haiz... :'(

Rambled by kaSh at 11:10 pm