This is my story...

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Wednesday:

Went back to TPJC for badminton then to Bedok for another then after that had dinner at Blk 85. Yeah actually it wasn't really that fun except during badminton but yeah I gave someone 2 and 0 points which was pretty, well, expected and completely a waste of my time. Well I ain't that good in that sport I must admit, but please at least have some kind of standard before coming right to my face to tell me that you wanna challenge me ok?
And I realised that I've spent like 60+ bucks already. Haiz.

Thursday:

I woke up so damn early in the morning. It was early because I slept late the night before and went Tampines Mall to eat some food.. Lunch? Oh well..

Then went to play basketball. It was a long time since I'd touched basketball. I suck at it anyways. Just play for fun because playing a sport which your friends play together is a fun thing to do, especially when you can do all sorts of nonsense in the court, fooling around and passing time and more importantly, improving your fitness and bonds with my friends. It has been a long time since we've gathered to play basketball.

Everyone walks on different paths of life, some in different JCs, some polys, some have already entered the army. We basically don't have much time to fool around like we used to be; supper in the night crapping around, then moving to the playground to sing songs, then going out for lunch in the next afternoon, then have a game or two of basketball... again.. then going home playing online games together, talking and conferencing through the phone while playing games, going to someone else's house to have a mini party of wine and beer, or even just going out for a night of fun, like some last minute BBQ or a movie or two...

Today:

I went to town and ate alot alot alot again. Then went to Mccafe to slack. The drinks there weren't that bad actually. Then headed home. Then went for a movie, quite last minute though but it was fun.. then supper... then home again.

Something off topic: Yes I do want people to have a good, or at least, not a bad impression of me. But I know it is a difficult thing to do. Whenever someone sees me for the first time, they feel like whacking me, because of my appearance. I look like a hooligan. Yeah. And when I speak, I will spout vulgarities out and speak aloud like as though it is my house. However if you know me better, one thing I can assure you is that, I won't be unreasonable to you in anyway.. if I do that, I won't have that many friends now around me.

And yeah sometimes my actions were a little off your imagination, as a result people may think of me otherwise, misundersand my real intentions, or even think that I have some ulterior motives. Well maybe it's just me, but sometimes what you see isn't what you think. I don't know how true it is, but it is most of the time for me, it's up to you to believe it or not. I will explain my actions to people who get the wrong ideas, but recently I am really sick and tired of doing the explanations already, because it was due to that major setback that happened in my life.. practically explaining every single shiet that I had done to appeal that person until I was really sick of it.

So the only thing which I will say in the future to you, at least for now, is I am not that kind of person you think I am, believe it or not it is up to you... as much as I wanna cherish this friendships and such, I don't want my friend to think me as some asshole which does things like... that... there isn't any point to go on further..

If you are my friend and you know me well I am sure that although I may be a little crazy and bad tempered at times, at least I know when's the right time to be what I suppose to. At least I have the heart of a human being which feels something is going on out there. At least give me that trust of not misunderstanding me of someone out of this world, like some robber or rapist or what.

If you just know me for a short time, yeah of course you have the free will of mind to think whatever you want, and I don't wish to force anyone to change their thinking because of my image, I am being selfish for that, but at least rethink your thoughts about me... but if you are reluctant to, it's perfectly fine, just tell me that you don't wanna be my friend, and don't even wanna have anything to do with me, and I'll just pretend that we have never met... It doesn't matter the period of time you've known me, 2 weeks, 1 month or even a year... because I know that life is not as perfect as it seems, sometimes there are people who just cannot go along with you no matter how much you have done to salvage everything.

Things have really changed drastically for me, and for the people around me. Nevertheless there are just a group of people I cherish the most, I mean, you know they really shape my life into what I am now.. although I may be a little asshole at times, please forgive me for that, I ain't perfect as it seems, and I've accepted that, but I am trying to change myself really hard over the years, my emotions, my everything, but we just have to accept that no matter how hard we try some things just cannot change...

I just don't know how to really get serious at times. Serious in major problems such as examinations, something important and all that... and I give that kind of slack look image to others, they always think I am not up to some standards. Oh well, maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't really excel in life, because when you aren't serious you won't really learn anything to improve yourself..

Yeah, I think I need to spout less vulgarities in the future, become less violent looking, think before I speak, not to speak so loudly in public and try to get serious when I am having some important stuff to do, even it is a small one.

I am trying to change like I always do, at least I have the patience to sit at the cafe alone for half an hour waiting for my friend, in the past I would just walk away and expect some really really nice apology...

Try to change yourself, instead of the world, and you will definately fine it easier that way.

Rambled by kaSh at 3:15 am