This is my story...

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I'm trying to live on as life is.. Trying to find another alternative route to become what I wanna be, trying to think of ways and means to mend my heart, trying to forget about the past, live for the present and hope for the future. Some things just will not change no matter what happens.. Some things.. nature will always have her way of doing things such as this, God has His obstacles constructed for us...

Have you ever heard of the sounds of the shattering of a heart? No, of course not.. for it can never be heard... that's the reason why we feel twice as bad as something we can hear and feel as well. It isn't similar to that of a glass shattering, nor it is to a cup breaking. Something which everyone of us know how it feels, but can never comprehand it's sound, thus it's converted back to the feeling, the feeling called hurt, the feeling call pain...

What's something felt at the interior compared to something felt at the exterior? Something different is the method you are going to treat it. Pain, something which can be felt both inside and outside. Something which you can speed up it's recovery by applying stuff when it occurs at the outside. Too bad, we cannot do the same thing which it's felt in the inside. We just have to let time heal it, let it pass... How is it going to feel when the same concept is applied to something felt pain at the outside? Unbearable...

My heart shatters. I feel the antagonizing pain in my heart. Something which everyone has gone through and never want it to happen again. The feeling of getting up one day realising you are suddenly lost because someone so important in your life was lost, gone away from your life, and you realise that she will never be back again, no matter what it takes for you, stretching out even your voice across the ocean, thinking and cherishing the past which was something sweet, memoriable and something which was deserved to be remembered, but never again someone like her will be back.. never again it will be repeated... never again you'll lead the same lifestyle.. never again something miraculous will happen... never again she will say she will be back... never again it was temporary depature...

I don't wanna say life goes on again.. it has been appearing from my mouth. Whenever I think of this, that's how I feel. It cannot be helped. The thought of it cannot be vanished. I cannot possibly neglect someone in a matter of days when I've let in tonnes of effort for the past year. Something which of course it's possible, I thought so, I am trying... trying to endure the process of mental torment, the process which really shapes me to someone I will be like never before, a major change which not only I will experience... because of this, I am determined to be stronger, but everytime I was held back by the thought of it. I am inferior, inferior to everyone, my confidence was diminished and destroyed, my faith disappeared... I myself have become a coward....

Just because of the wonderful thoughts, the sweet fruits I've enjoyed, the fall will be great and major... Enjoy now and suffer later will not be in my dictionary anymore.

How am I suppose to move on, to move on that part of my life? Someone please help me.

Rambled by kaSh at 10:48 am