This is my story...

Sunday, January 09, 2005

I don't know what to say. Something just happened to me and I am really down because of that. My heart aches like never before. Something which I longed for, I was done for. I lost it. Now. Maybe forever too.

Girl: I appreciate you reading my blog. Those are my views of life. My motivation arises because I think it is worth it to do for someone, and that someone is the drive for your success. In the past I was really pessimissitic. I had this bad temper of mine telling everyone to listen to me, telling them whatever I do, I was right. However no. If I wanna change someone else's thinking, I must first change mine.

Now yes I look at the bright side. Falls and rejections are only things which will drive you more. When you teacher tells you "you will never pass this exam because you are simply stupid!" How will you feel? Are you gonna give up because of his words? No. Because you wanna prove him wrong. You wanna prove him that you can do it and you work towards it.

Something happened to me recently. Suddenly it was all empty. I woke up early in the morning, finding myself in empty space. I feel completely lost, suddenly, no direction in life, nothing, no goals, no nothing... just me on the bed... thinking of the things which I had done wrong which caused me onto this state of confusion, state of sadness and depression: the motivation was gone.

Naturally I was down. I thought stupid things. Suicide? or something which I can attract her attention. No. These are things which ordinary people will do. But I will not. Why? Is it worth to die for someone who isn't even willing to spend the rest of her life with you? Is it worth it to die without considering your parents? Your friends? Your family?

I got drunk on that night. The next day I thought, what a stupid thing to do. Even if you got drunk a thousand times, she won't give a damn. Because no one will care if you are sad, if you are down, the world still spins around the sun.

My parents. My friends. They care. I move on cause they care. I may fall now, a major one... something which I've committed one whole year and lose it within a matter of hours, early hours in the morning... but mark my words, I will not give up, because setbacks only increases my thirst to success.

Because I have a dream, but my dream was shattered that morning. All gone. I still do not give up. Why? Because there are people who are willing to trust me, people who are willing to die for me, people who care for me. Why am I going down just because of someone I tried for 1 year? How about for the past 18 years, my parents gave no chance but only to nurture me, to bring me what I am now?

Give up everything for you? No. I won't even think of giving you up.

Rambled by kaSh at 11:20 am