This is my story...

Friday, December 31, 2004

I still talk about you often.. I still mention you in front of my friends.. I still think about you day and night... part of you is found inside me... I still say you were the best... you are still the best.. you are the only one who was willing to be there for me... who was willing to stand my stupid temper and not say anything, not resisting, not standing up to voice your opinion, not even wanna say what you felt that you were right at that time...

Every night you would do the same thing; the SMSes, different SMSes personally written by you, and all coveyed the same message... to tell me that you were going to bed... to say "Goodnight Dear" every night, without fail... "I will go to bed first.."every, single night of my life...

I took it for granted... yes I really took it for granted... I thought you were expected to do it sometimes.. when we were at that point of time... but no... it wasn't the case at all.. you did it coz you loved me, coz I was part of you at that point of time... you did that, although I know it was just only goodnight messages from you, but I could feel the sincerity from it even from now, at this point of time, I still miss them... how I wish it will be back again... and it will be there forever..

I was immature, really ungrateful for thinking of that kind of thought, of ending it so early over one silly thing.. I thought I was superior, my ego took over me, I wanted full control, I was really stubborn, I thought by doing things my way you would be happy...

No, I was wrong. I was wrong all the while. Just because you didnt turn up for my chalet, doesn't mean you did not love me anymore.. it wasn't that case.. I understood your plight at that time... you were in a difficult stage at that point of time... and when you had explained to me, I showed as if I did not care at all... what the hell am I thinking?

Not your fault to cause all the mess. I know it was difficult for you to accept me as a whole. But you tried. You tried and I knew. I knew because you showed. You showed me by ever compromising me. I was, at that point of time, really thought I was correct all the while... all the while not even wanting to compromise you for what you have done for me... all I did was to sit there and receive your messages in the night, sometimes not even wanting to reply.

On that night, I said this to you. "It was until now I truly realise how much I loved you, how much things I could not have done without you." Despite the fact, we proceed on what we thought... that was the most devastating night of my life, something which I REALLY DID NOT want to do it at all... because at that point of time, nothing from me had changed for you, nothing. It was just growing.... growing stronger... I was afraid.. I said I was immature... if I had got you back at the next day, things will not turn out this way..

How much have I regretted losing someone like you.. Life goes on... Sometimes it is really really very hard to let go something which you really put in your everything to commit... and I did commit. Yes I did. Although my ego took over me, it didn't mean I did not. It didn't mean I did not love you as much as I asked you for the first time. It was growing... all along...

14th Sept was the beginning. I still remembered the day we started of... really well...

It's the future now... I am still holding back... some things just cannot be changed, cannot be forgotten, cannot be left unfelt even after a long, long time..

I still have you in my heart. As always. Nothing's changed. No less. Why? Simply because you are still the one.

Rambled by kaSh at 4:27 am