This is my story...

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I am getting sick. Cold. Sneezed and coughed. Sneezed more. The weather was so cold. Oh man. Coughed. Hope I don't get a sore throat, if not I can't talk as much. Yeah. Stayed in the library from 10 plus till 6pm. Woohoo almost finished what I was suppose to do yesterday. Hope I can finish those that I want to tomorrow.

Mrs Foong, she was my FM teacher, and she was the one who signed my dropout form for FM. Talked to her today. Initially she told me not to do mechanics. I was wondering why. Then she went on. She said she would rather me do the Applied section, ie a mixture of both Stats and Mech. Then she told me I shouldn't had dropped FM. She said it was a pity. I could cope with Fm. OMG. I didn't and never expect her to say that. She was the one who signed the goddamn form.

I hope I won't be able to fall sick. Oh well. Please do not fall sick at such a goddamn crucial time. Physics practical's next monday. OMG. I ain't nervous for now, but I think I will when the time comes. I will jump around like a fool and do this that this that just to calm myself down.

Didn't have any appetite when I came home. Went to sleep for a while. Wanted to do some work but oh well, guess I'd to sleep more. Well I mean... eh some things just cannot be explained. I am stubborn. I know that. Most of us know that. I mean, there are some things you cannot just change overnight. There are some things which takes time to recover, time to get along and such and so on. Just like feelings in the heart. Sometimes when you hate someone really much, you may realise after 10 years or so, you will forget about the hatred and may even realise oh well those things I did 10 years ago was foolish, immature and crap.

Another thing. I like to write. That's why I can crap so much here. Too bad I don't have a strong command of English. I write things that I cannot express through the mouth or actions. Just like what I am feeling right now. I do not know what to do. Things which I've told myself not to bother and not to care don't seem to go away. As much as I wanted to get rid of them, I can't. I hope I can find some explanations, through all these things which I had gone through. I am afraid to breakdown again. I am afraid to go all the way so damn far just to realise that it's nothing for me there, sadly turning back, walking alone along the path. I am afraid.

Why didn't I consider the fact that some people do care when they scold, and it doesn't mean they don't scold, they don't care. I am expecting too much from people,. but I never have considered what I have done to myself to expect so many things from them. I don't wanna cross that line again. I am afraid to make people shed a thousand more tears just because they don't meet up to my expectations. I am really selfish. F*** me.

Oh man, I am regretting things that I've done.

"Would you home with me when you realise that I am all alone?"

Rambled by kaSh at 11:07 pm